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Familiar Strangers on Valentine's Day

Journal Entry: Tue May 6, 2008, 10:34 AM
So I was speaking to a girlfriend from the past.......
( can't make the non-PC mistake of saying old-girlfriend.....
Holy Jumpin' Jeez.....is it scary out there, or what.... ?!!!!!! )
anyway we had a pretty good talk...about Men & Women, Life & love...
you know.....stuff.

Now the topic flowed from facts to emotion..and the problems that result from that..
and at some point I said that one of the main "bumps" is that the common language between two people is
sometimes the very thing that does them in..
that is to say...
people tend to think they are speaking about the same thing when the reality is that they aren't at all.

One person says I want to be loved, and the other says they have so much love to share....

sounds like a real love-match....( better call in Chuck Woolery from the "love Connection" )
and yet it's 'fuzzy" what love means to each of them..

how they were inculcated by their parents, where their Religious beliefs lead them, how they interact with friends,
what their goals & dreams for their life are..
the whole ball of wax affects the definition..
and of course can derail what would seem like a good match.

Now the entire "Mars & Venus" thing has become a Cultural Cliché and that's not really what I'm speaking about..
it's more basic than that..

it's that our lives define the meaning to our words..

and we are all VERY Different People.

now that sounds SO Simple...sure it does.........
and thru sometimes "fuzzy" assumptions..
we create relationships that are built of balsa wood instead of steel.....

_____________________
now for myself......

I don't want anything from someone else that they don't want to share..

I believe sharing is a bridge created by an honest exchange of equals..
and that equals share equally.

  • Mood: Neutral
  • Listening to: Excalibur_Soundtrack
  • Reading: all the time..the mind needs to be polluted
  • Watching: PBS some HBO...not a fan of commericals
  • Playing: with stuff that I enjoy
  • Eating: Eating Well.....sorta.
  • Drinking: Some Well

Devious Comments

love 0 0 joy 1 1 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0

~spiderguile:iconspiderguile: May 6, 2008, 10:51:41 AM Mood: Optimism
I totally agree with you on that matter and it sheds some light on some past relationships I had and why it ended so strangely for me!!! We breathe and talked the same but not really! What we made of affects the way our words mean and understood by other that don't have the same background!!!!
We've got to keep on practicing our communication! ;)

--
To protect and to serve!
*baquitania:iconbaquitania: May 6, 2008, 11:38:37 AM
It all comes down to what is good in life? And the answer always comes back... to crush your enemies, see them driven before you and to hear the lamentations of their women...

My wife is always telling me I am speaking a different language, which I chalk up to her being Canadian and me being a filipino born but raised American in NYC.

When I even raise my voice a decibel, she says I am using my NY voice, which hand to god I have never done, cause if I had, we'd be divorced. But yes constantly working at common understanding is the key, and you'll know it's right if she is the only one you'd rather explain yourself to, or understand what she is really saying, rather than walking out the door.

Now if I can only get her to watch the first (IV) Star Wars movie...
~MrPlaid81:iconMrPlaid81: May 6, 2008, 11:57:21 AM
Thereis a great line from Steve Martins book Shop Girl;

At some point every couple has THE TALK, things are said, words are spoken, no one hears anything.

The only thing that ever worked for me was seeing what the other person was feeling and addressing THAT, preferably nonverbally. Words are never fully understood, but a hug usually is.

--
Ask me for an Art Trade
~chrisdee:iconchrisdee: May 6, 2008, 2:57:13 PM
Isn't that the problem with political correctness? All of us who are sane would have known what you meant if you said "my old girlfriend". Why should you have to censor yourself because some reflexively hypersensitive person might assign an alternate meaning based on their own baggage? (Or just wants to exercise power by making you use the words they give you instead of the ones you choose for yourself.)

Your post is saying communication is hard. Why make it harder with those games.

That rant aside, "I don't want anything from someone else that they don't want to share" is one of the most startlingly wonderful declarations I've ever heard. In my book, a sentiment like that earns you the right to say whatever the hell you want.

--
Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Superpowers corrupt... superbly. --Identity Element
~PenKiller:iconPenKiller: May 6, 2008, 5:03:14 PM
Heh, you just reminded me of a book my wife and I picked up last year, one that REALLY helped our marriage. It's called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, and many of the points you touched on are elaborated on in it, describing and refined to a point as to explain HOW each of us express, and subsequently require to experience love. I DEFINATELY recommend it to anyone, especially those in a relationship.

--
--PenKiller

DEATH TO THE PENS!!
~MichaelBair:iconMichaelBair: May 6, 2008, 11:10:34 PM
ah....Spider my friend...
I did say it's rough out there...
~MichaelBair:iconMichaelBair: May 6, 2008, 11:16:48 PM
I haven't met many women that liked the 1st Conan film..
but I thought it was BIG FUN !!!

and yeah...
sometimes it's not even how loving & caring the words are..
but how they are received..

nothing worse than going to bed
thinking everything is COOL..
meanwhile the other person is hating on you..
not for what you said..
but how it registered to their ears..
~MichaelBair:iconMichaelBair: May 6, 2008, 11:18:41 PM
Hope Springs Eternal...
~MichaelBair:iconMichaelBair: May 6, 2008, 11:28:12 PM
Many people I've met are just walking Scar Tissue..

and they are dying to share..

but you are correct...
I was being a wuss..

but I think perhaps the real rub might be that people aren't always honest with themselves..
they of course think they are..

but they base things on "fuzzy" assumptions of values & mindsets that haven't been investigated...

BTW..thanks for the kind words.